Surprise

Five Hours Ahead
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Ol' Ned, he got him a new watch for Christmas.
He decided he was gonna set it five hours, hours ahead, yeah
So he could wake out of the bed five hours ahead.
And that's, that's what I read.

The wife done woke him up and said, "You're too early."
His wife put him back to bed.
His wife tucked him in, gave him a teddy bear,
And then he said, "Go back to bed. Go back to bed."

He woke up five hours too early in the morning,
Walked down the road and made him some coffee for the first time in his life.
And after that he looked at his watch.
It was a Moon-phase watch.
The Sun was on it now.
He said, "I'm gonna set it ten hours ahead,
So I don't have to wake up in this bed. Ten hours ahead.
I'm gonna set this watch."
Well, at least that's what I read.

Tell You What To Do (Extended Mix)
adlibbed by Noby Nobriga

When I found her in the road, I didn't see a road.
I took her back home to show her my home.
I brought her to my room to show her what I had.
She told me, "Hey there, boy, you're better than I've had."

She said, "Boy, let me tell you what I'm gonna do."
Said, "Boy, let me take you like a better blew."

Baby took me down all night.
Baby know me when you're right.

My baby she told me what I was like.
She said b-b-baby, you did it all right.
(Tell me.)

I'm gonna tell you what I want from you.
I don't want nothing unless it's blew.
Why don't you tell me what you're gonna feel?
'Cause I don't know what I'm gonna reel.

My baby, she be told me what to do.
Didn't let me down, 'cause I'm always thinkin' of you.
(Call me.)

Oh, baby, what you're gonna do.
Tell me baby, you're gonna do it too.
My baby, she's doin' it right.
My baby, she take me all night.

Take it tonight...
(Take me, baby.)

Country Bob's BBQ and Tackle Shop
adlibbed by Noby Nobriga

Come on down to Country Bob's BBQ and Tackle Shop. We got all kinds of things you could ever want, boy. We got all kinds of tackle. We got the best tackle. We got little... we got the squiggly... we got the things... we got them worms. We got them things they call them flies. Anything made out of rubber, it got a big ol' hook in it. We got it, boy. You bring in something, we'll stick a hook in it. We'll shove a hook up in there.

Or BBQ... just five feet away on the other side of the big ol' building. We got our BBQ in the kitchen. Country Bob's Backyard BBQ Kitchen. That's right, we serve up the best BBQ you could ever have. Hell, boy, we'll even let you find your own cow, we'll give you a big ol' mallet, bust it upside the head and BBQ it yourself. That's right, all for a low, low price. You pay us five bucks, we'll give you a shotgun, you go blow the cow's head off... take it home and BBQ it yourself. That's right. (You're gonna have to take the slugs out of it and everything yourself.)

You come on down, you spend ten dollars or more, we'll throw in a big ol' box of tackle bait, big ol can of worms... with the ground included. So, come on down to Country Bob's BBQ and Tackle Shop. Right down there behind the big ol' barn. You go down all the way out in the middle of nowhere... find a big ol' barn.

Boy, that was a good one. Let's go bust a cow.

Noby's Solo
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Is he gonna make it? Oh, there goes Noby. There goes Noby on the drums. There he goes. Come on, he's going nuts. There goes Noby going nuts like a crazy person. Yeah, Noby's a big ol' man. He's a big ol' man on the drums. He knows what he's doing, man. He's like a regular Wayne... Garth, uh, not Garth Brooks, Garth from Wayne's World. What's his name? Garth, uh, Algar! That's the name: Garth Algar. I was thinking of Wayne Campbell for a second there, but I should have known it was that Garth Algar. There goes Noby, soundin' like a big ol' pile of thun--

When I Find Me a Girl (Happy Squirrel)
adlibbed by Noby Nobriga

When I find me a girl,
I will be a happy squirrel.
When I find me a girl,
Then I'll run the entire world.

When I find a girl,
I will be a happy squirrel.
I will know nothing else but that girl's hair.
I'll look at her eyes.
I'll taste her tongue.
I'll climb up and kiss her thing.

When I find a girl,
She's gonna know the ways,
The ways that I'll say that'll make my day.
When I find a girl,
She'll make me happy.
She'll make me a happy squirrel,
That girl.

Girl, when I find you,
I'll take you home,
And you'll see how I love you
With my girl, find a squirrel.

Betsy Sue and Peggy Sue
adlibbed by Noby Nobriga

Met a girl name was Betsy Sue,
Betsy Sue got married today.
Betsy Sue, I love you.
I just never told you the way.

Betsy Sue, Betsy Sue...

You saw I was comin' down the road the other day.
I didn't say anything: I didn't even say hey.
Betsy Sue, she came over one day.
Too bad she was borrowing a pencil.

Found her going to the mall the other day.
Ran into her, she didn't say hey.
She didn't recognize me with my hat on.
So she went on away.

Betsy Sue, Betsy Sue...

Walked around in the park today
Hoping I'd find my Betsy Sue.
I didn't see her any old place,
But then I found my Peggy Sue.

Peggy Sue, Peggy Sue...

When I saw her, I found her away
From her hometown over the way.
I told her, "Hey won't you come and play?
I'm a big boy now."

Peggy Sue, Peggy Sue...

Ramoney-Mony
written by Noby Nobriga

Ford pardoned Nixon of federal crimes.
The men hit on Ollie with a fedie whine.
The Gipper cannot tell you his own name.
Still he can't be a national shame.
TV gods, they steal your money.
Then they cut lead with a honey.

Riech! Tse! Commie!
Wall! Marshall Law! No more!

They let Mandela the hell out.
Now they're all gonna bitch and shout.
Tailhook boys got a little tail.
Mr. Packwood didn't even need bail.
Clark sticks OJ to the block.
John and Bob take her poppy-cock.

Knife! Socks! Kato!
Bombs! 'Parthied! Hussein!

An Evil Land
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

I found the magic world a snowy day in December.
At least, that's how I kinda remember.
I was playing with my toys, my bear, and my radio car.
Then I opened up the door, the next thing I knew I was far
Away from home...

My mama told me that I was just my imagination.
But I promise to you, listener, I was in another nation.
It was not like our own, and I don't mean in a friendly way.
I'll tell you what I can, but there's really not much I can say...

It started one day and I went into the magic world.
The first thing that I saw was a beaten, torn little girl.
She said she came from the same place as me.
So I took her away, and we hid inside the tree...

We ran so far, we ran until we ran out of breath.
We ran so far, we ran until there was no rest.
She and I, running from the danger there --
The people that wanted to scab her -- hand in hand...

Evil land, that was an evil land.
It was not like our own. No, it was very bad.
My mom would not believe me, she thought I would been had.
But I know for certain it was an evil land...

I went back once, once when I was much older.
I felt a heavy breath upon my shoulder.
I turned around and I hoped it would go away.
But, unfortunately, it was there to stay.

load "$",8,1
adlibbed by Noby Nobriga

Ode to the Commodore 64. Ode to the Commodore 64.
I never thought I'd do more without my Commodore 64.
I never thought I would need more than 64 K.
I had my disk drive every day.
Fast Load cartridge made everything load so much faster.
Hear-Say 2000: It spoke to me.
My C-64.

My very first time to see 64 colors.
They had a Vic 20; I didn't like it.
I wanted to find a 64, C-64.
C-64.

I had my 1541.
My brand new floppy drive
On my C-64.

Oh, Commodore, you went under many years later.
I didn't know what to do
When my C-64 went down on me.
Nobody else had support for the C-64.
Oh, C-64.

I never thought I would need more than 64 K.
You had sprites, sprite-collision.
64 colors in-built.
64 K RAM board.
And a floppy drive when you had a tape drive.
C-64.

Where is my C-64?
Commodore 64.

(That is all.)

I Screwed Up the Saved by the Bell Song, So I'm Gonna Start Singin' About This Sucky Song Song
adlibbed by Noby Nobriga and Rusty Spell

When I wake up in the morning and I see the bus,
I think back to the school days
When I had Zack and Lisa and Slater and Screech and Kelly and Jesse.
Now that Jesse's gone to Show Girls,
She's become a whory-whore girl.
Kelly's gone to 90210: She's become a whory-whore girl.
Whory-whore girls on Saved by the Bell,
They don't need to go to hell.
They need to come over to my house,
'Cause, hey, I don't care, I'll tell them how.

(Saved by the Bell. Saved by the Bell. Saved By the Bell.)

(Mr. Belding) I didn't like Milo.
Milo didn't like Ms. Bliss.
Then they got the little chicks in junior high episodes.
Gah, they really stink!

(Saved by the Bell. Saved by the Bell. Saved by the Bell.)

One time Screech was an alien...

Saved by the Bell, baby! We're savin' by the bell!
(Two, three, four...)

At least it comes to the point where I recognize a bad song.
I know when a song has gotten to be very bad.
It should have been dismissed when I said Saved by the Bell.
Every song from here can just go to... you know where.

It was a bad song
In the creation
In the back of my mind.
A very bad song.
A very, very bad song.

You see, at some point, you have to realize, hey, "This song sucks." I mean, jeez, man. You gotta realize at the point when it just totally bites. And that's why you pick up the microphone and you continue with the song. But you start what could be known as a metasong. You start singing about the song, about how much the song bites and sucks, how it's sucking your will to live, how you can't stand it any more, how you just gotta drop down on the floor and just say, "Screw it! Screw it! Screw it!" It sucks. It's like nothing good left. You start climbing back up, and then you think, "Gah, why am I climbing back up?" Because it sucks so bad. And then you realize, "Well, the floor's kinda dirty and it's not all that comfortable." And you think, "Well, here we are just wasting tape, wasting tape on a very bad song, not even song at all." Wasting our time because we've only got, oh, I'd say about forty-five minutes left for this session, and we're wasting our time with this. What are we doing? We're morons.

Just Like a Woman
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Ridin' around in the rodeo,
They had a square dance that own day.
Ridin' around in the rodeo,
I hung on for eight seconds; there you go, hey.

I'll tell you what,
I'm gonna tell you something about a woman now.
I'll tell you what,
I'm gonna tell you something about a woman now.
You take the girl,
And you get the girl and you're cuttin' up lead.
What's the next thing you do?
You scream another girl's name out instead.
Well, I'll tell you a woman's just like a rodeo:
If you hang on for eight seconds,
Well, you're doing all good,
Yeah, you go-go.

Your woman's like a rodeo.
Tell you woman's like a rodeo.
Tell you woman's like a rodeo.
You hang on for seconds,
Then you get it to go.

Tell you woman's like a paper bag.
Tell you woman's like a paper bag.
Cover up and you don't have to see,
Well, you go-n-go and you go and you go (I said).

Tell you woman's like a big ol' tree.
Tell you woman's like a big ol' tree.
Well, you plant her in the ground,
And you plant her a seed.
Then I tell you woman's like a big ol' tree.

Tell you woman's like the London fog.
Yeah, tell you woman's like the London fog.
You wade through that stuff,
And you get to the middle.
I tell you woman's like the London fog.

Tell you woman's like rollin' off a log.
Said tell you woman's like a-rollin' off a log.
You roll off into the water,
And you plunge right in; it's like a-rollin' off a log, yeah.

Shotgun!
adlibbed by Noby Nobriga

Boy, he got a shotgun and shot me in the what you say?!

He pulled out a shotgun, and turned my way.
I didn't know quite what to say.
He come chasin' after me down the road.
He said I done gotten his ho, wha?
He started chasin' me down the street.
Cornered me in a corner and that's where he beat me.
And then he found me; I had nowhere to run.
He pulled out his big ol' shotgun; he said,
"Little boy, I don't like you here.
I don't like you anywhere.
I'm the sheriff here of this town.
Better pray and get on down."
Then he pulled out his shotgun at me.
That's all I could see.
Then I gave a sneeze and what happened next?
Big ol' snotwad caught him in the neck.
It started chewin' through his throat.
I didn't know what to do
With this Groat.
I picked up his shotgun and then I went down,
Down the street and I started to run.
Then I found Suzie,
You know that little whore.
Ah, she really wasn't quite the bore.
Because she was free, free from her husband,
That big ol' fat, ugly sheriff.
You know the one.
So, she and I, we went back to her place.
And, well, screamed all over the place.
So, that's my little story about me and Sally.
Suzie rather. Ha ha.
They're all whores to me, man. Ha ha ha ha.
That's why they call me "Lucky Luke."
'Cause if you wanna get my whores you're gonna have to better put up your dukes,
Or I'll kick your what I say?! Ha ha ha ha.

Chicken Strut Your Stuff
adlibbed by Noby Nobriga

Chicken strut your stuff all over the ground.
Find a hen and you get on down.
Take her to the back coop,
And then you do your little doop, say,
Chicken strut your stuff all over the pen.
Get that hen.

Find that hen, find her quick, find that hen.
Oh, he found her. He found the hen.
Chicken, strut your stuff all over the pen.
You know, chicken strut your stuff. Strut it.

Lady J
adlibbed by Noby Nobriga

GI Joe, Cobra Commando, Duke, Scarlet, and Lady J.
Destro, USS.
When I find a kinda GI Joe.
GI takes on Cobra.
Nobody likes that Cobra.
Cobra's trying to take over the world.
But GI Joe's gettin' all the girls.
And Scarlet, Lady J.
Lady J's a ****.

Scarlet was the hot one, Duke was the cool one.
Lady J was a ****.
Cobra was the cool one, Cobra and Destro.
Cobra Commando, fight.

They had the airplanes and the cargo ships, and aircraft destroyers.
Then they went to space stuff, which really sucked.
I liked the old-fashioned stuff.

Cobra and Destro. Lady J and Duke.
How many thought Lady J and Duke had a thing?
I don't care. Lady J was a ****.
Scarlet was the chick.

GI Joe and Cobra fight
Every day and every night.
With Duke and Lady J,
Scarlet and Stalker, yeah.

Give me that plastic airplane,
And that plastic Cobra.
Jump in the jeep and drive away.
That's what I told ya.
Bring the airplane needs to fight the aircraft carrier.
Bring and Cobra and Duke to fight,
Cobra and GI Joe, they didn't like the night.

Just take them outside to the sandbox and blow them all with firecrackers. Firecrackers and bottle-rockets till they're no good anymore. And then years later they're just collector's items, but they're not really worth crap because they started all that stupid space stuff. That sucked, that was stupid, like that could ever happen. Just the good ol' jeep and planes and helicopters and stuff. That's what it's supposed to be. Gah, GI Joe, why did you have to suck now? You suck. You used to be cool but you suck. Screw you, Hasbro, you're a has-been.

Treadmill Walkin'
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Go down to the Payne Center, get on your boots.
Whoops, take 'em off and put your sneaks on.
Go down the Payne Center take off your boots.
Gonna do a song: "Treadmill Walkin'."

Everybody was treadmill walkin'.
They were not stalkin'.
Everybody was treadmill walkin'.
And all the folks were gawkin'.

I went on down to the Center,
Put on my shorts,
Put on my tank-top,
Went down there.
Treadmill walkin' with everyone.
We're goin' nuts. All right, oh yeah.

Well, everybody was treadmill walkin'.
They were lookin' at us, gawkin'.
Everybody's treadmill walkin'.
It's kinda like stalkin' in place.

Place, all over your face,
All over your face.
Everybody was treadmill walkin' all over the place.
Everybody was treadmill walkin'.
Everybody was treadmill walkin'.
A-one, and a-two, and a-three, and a-four, yeah.

Smell's Like Wendy's...
adlibbed by Noby Nobriga

We are now recording.
It smells like Wendy's.
It smells like Wendy's in here.
I believe she is.

Ocean Story
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Went into a cabin lodge, stayed there overnight.
When I stayed there all that night I had a frightful fright.
Went there in that cabin lodge, went off into sea.
Thought that I would see some whales, but there's more to me.

Loaded up aboard the ship, then we set to sea.
As we went out there were waves; they were rocky.

Tied onto a monkey-rope harpooning a whale
When there was a gush of wind took over the sail.
Went into the monkey-rope, they tried to pull up me,
But I fell off that day, fell into the sea.

I drowned into the sea... I drowned into the sea...

Saw a girl with a green tail floating under sea,
Then she came up right to me, breathed inside of me.
Brought me back to life that day, then she took to shore,
Brought me in a room and then loaded me with ore.

Put me in a bed that night, put me off to sleep.
Had some awful dreams that night, they were really deep.
Slept out in my bed that night sailing off to sea.
I woke up to find a girl watching over me... over me.