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Rover
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

There was once a man. He owned a dog. The dog's name was Rover. Rover used to go around all day doing nothing of consequence. But the thing is: He liked to hump the neighbors' legs. And they got very angry at that. So one day, Rover was neutered. Poor ol' Rover, they took him up to the vet, and just slashed it right off. And now ol' Rover, well, he goes around crying all day longing for the days of yore. And now Rover wishes that he could find a whore.

We're the Ones ('nikcuS)
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

We're in tune boys, we're a singin'.
We're a gonna, we're gonna sing it:
Sing it now.
We're a singin', we're gonna sing it.
We're a singin', gon-gonna sing it:
Sing it now.

Startin' now with 'nikcuS,
We're the ones who did "How Now Brown Cow."
We're the boys who did "Pig Milkin' Contest."
We're the boys who did Swini-Swini-"Swinigin McGoots."

1995! 'nikcuS in the house, in The Place tonight, actually. My name's Rusty Spell, of course, like always. Got Kevin Young over there. Got Noby Nobriga over there. Man, we're just gonna tear down the house, don't you know it? That's all we ever do; that's all we're gonna do now. Summer of '95, gonna be a Summer to remember, 'cause we in the house tonight.

Glory days started back in 1989.
Glory days started back in 1992.
Glory days continuing now to 1995.
We're a comin' on and we'll be singin' it for you:
'nikcuS. Plugged.

You got the T-shirts, and you're gonna get the hats.
You're the 'nikcuS groupies,
Comin' on down you get you a knat.
Get the knats to give to us.
We're your lady-loves (whoo!). You're the lady-loves.
Give the knats.
All the fine chicks dig 'nikcuS guys.
All the fine girls dig us.
All the fine girls dig us 'nikcuS guys.
Kevin and Noby and Rusty: 'nikcuS guys.
A jam on it, baby.

Two, three, four, yeah!

Pig Milkin' Contest
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Don't put off goin' to the dairy farm.
Don't put off goin' to my grandmother's barn.
Don't put out goin' to the cows and pigs.
Don't you put out goin', doin' the jigs.
You gotta be a hick today. Do what I say.
You gotta be a hick today, you gotta do it today.

I was sloppin' along today.
I was sloppin' the other day.
And I saw a person comin' my way,
He told me what to say, he said,
"I'm a hick. I love to slop.
I slop, slop, slop, slop, slop, slop, slop.
There is a contest comin' our way
At the local fair. Let's have a day.
You'll be my partner and we'll slop them pigs
At the pig milkin' contest, and we'll do some jigs."
"I gotta go to the pig milkin' contest.
I gotta slop, I gotta slop 'em today."

So, we went down to the fair,
Watched the circus.
Clowns were performin' and jumpin' everywhere.
We got a hoops and a hollers and a jumpin' through a ring of fire...
Yep, yep, yep, yep, they got a jumpin' higher and higher,
The tight-rope walkers and the acrobats
And the trapeze artists and the men with big hats.

But we're at the pig milkin' contest...
Squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt in the bucket now.
We got a pig, we got a big ol' sow.
I love to milk, milk my pigs.
Here come the judges for the dances and the jigs.
"All right, Bo, we got a judge comin' this way.
We gonna milk our pigs. What we gonna do and say?"
"Just leave it to me, I'll do all the talkin'.
Why don't you just start stalkin' that judge?
Tell him to come on this way.
Tell him to bring some hay
For my cows and the pigs.
I'll do my jigs."
So I danced for him while I was milkin' my pigs.
Can't you imagine me dancin' my jigs and milkin' the pigs?
Well, it caught his eye.
Don't you know it did?
And he started to cry.
He said, "That is the best pig milkin' I seen.
I don't believe how you was dancin' like that.
Your partner over there, he's doin' it, too...
Flippin' around just like an acrobat.
He's a milkin' that pig and a-dancin' around
And flippin' and jippin' and milkin' the pigs,
And singin' and dancin' and singin' and dancin' with pigs."
And the pigs, they're happy and they're runnin' around.
And then we got all the circus clowns.
They were attracted, they came to watch us milk.
Squirtin' in the bucket and the bucket in the squirtin'
And a bur-bur-bur-bur-bur...
And the chickens are runnin' our way,
And the little kids come up, they say, "Hey,
We wanna milk some pigs. We wanna do it, Dad.
We wanna do it now. We wanna do it bad!"
Milkin' the pigs. We're milkin' the pigs.
We're milkin' those pigs...

We won first price, well, needless to say.
I took it home and showed it to Sophie May.
She gave me a kiss, just a big one on the lips.
I said, "Baby, let me hang on to your hips."
I was a milkin' that pig... and doin' a jig.
And dancin' and ropin', and ropin' the cows.
We're ropin' the cows in the rodeo.
We won every contest that came by this way.
We gotta say we love it. We are winnin' every day.
"Win some, lose some," but we win all the time.
I guess that cliché doesn't happen to me and mine.

Hey, we're milkin' the pigs.
Milkin' and squirtin' in the bucket in the pigs.
We're milkin', milkin' the pigs,
Milkin' pigs and doin' the jigs.
Bye bye. Bye bye.
I gonna see you later.
I'll see you later when we're milkin' the pigs, pigs, pigs...
I'll say it again...
We're milkin' pigs...
And the pigs were men...
We're milkin' pigs...

I Like To Eat Food
adlibbed by Noby Nobriga

Give me a cheeseburger and some fries
And a Coke for my ice.
But best of all, every night I go out
To the Rally's or Wendy's or MacE Dee's.
I buy me some food. I buy me some food.
I like to eat my food all night long. All night long.

I like roast beef sandwiches from Arby's.
That's the place with that Arby's Sauce.
It's really BBQ sauce, no really kind of real sauce,
Just special BBQ sauce.
But it's very good, 'cause I like to eat food.
Food's good to me. It's good for me,
'Cause I am fat, 'cause I like to eat
Food all the time, with potato chips and rotel dip.
It's all so fine.

I like to eat food. I like to eat food. I like to eat food
All the time.

You know, I really like some pizza every now and then. You know, Domino's, Pizza Hut, Mazzio's sometimes. I like those breadsticks, I tell ya. Now some good food is a nice burger every now and then, you know, with lettuce, pickles, tomatoes... and big, fat piece of meat right there in the middle. No onions, gives you bad breath. But I still... I still like some good fries every now and then with lots of ketchup, lots of ketchup. I love ketchup on everything I eat. Rice, hamburgers, ice cream sometimes. It's all because...

I like to eat food...
'Cause it's good to me,
But it's bad for me. It's bad for me.
I still eat food even though it's all bad for me.
Yeah, it's bad for me! It's bad for me!
I like to eat food! Eat food! I like food! It's bad for me!
I still eat food. I like to eat food. You freud dude.
I like to eat food.
But it's bad for me. It's bad for me.
I like to eat food. I like food.

(We're) Livin' On a Prayer
written by Bon Jovi

Once upon a time, not so long ago...

Tommy used to work on the docks.
Union Bay on strike,
He's down on his luck... it's tough, so tough.
Gina works the diner all day:
Workin' for her man, she brings home her pay
For love--oooh, for love.

She says, "You've gotta hold on to what we've got.
It doesn't make a difference
If we make it or not.
We've got each other, and that's a lot.
For love--we'll give it a shot."

Woah, we're half way there.
Woah, livin' on a prayer.
Take my hand... we'll make it--I swear.
Woah, livin' on a prayer.

He's got the six string in hock.
Now he's holdin' in what he used
To make it talk--so tough, oooh, it's tough.
Gina dreams of runnin' away
When she cries in the nighttime and whispers,
"Baby, it's okay... someday."

He said, "We've gotta hold on to what we've got.
It doesn't make a difference
If we make it or not.
We've got each other, and that's a lot.
For love--we'll give it a shot."

Whoah, half way there.
Whoah, living on a prayer.
Take my hand and we'll make it--I swear.
Oh, living on a prayer.

Livin' on a prayer...

The Blues Man
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Blues Man comin' down the road.
The Blues Man lookin' at me.
The Blues Man comin' down the road
To see what he can see.
The Blues Man comin' down the road,
And the Blues Man lookin' at me.
The Blues Man comin' comin' down the road
To see what he can see.

That Blues Man, he's lookin' right at me.

Why don't you have a drink with me, baby?
Why don't you/we have a drink?
Why don't you have a think with me, baby?
What do you think?

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
He's walkin' down. He's lookin' at me.
He's walkin' down. He's a-lookin' at me.

Go on down the corner market, baby,
Pick a pack of cigarettes.
Go on down the corner market, baby,
Hey, what you bet? I said...
Get me some cigarettes!
Lucky Stripe cigarettes.

Hey, won't you look at me right now?
Look at me right now.
Look at me right now, hey, baby,
A-look at me, a-look at me, a-look a--
Hey, won't you look at me right, baby?
Look at me right now.
Hey, won't you look at me?
I look into your eyes of brown. Hey...
Look at me. Look at me.

Blues Man comin' down the road.
Blues Man lookin' at me.
Blues Man, what you think he see?
He see on me.

In the corner market with my pack of cigarettes,
I'm smokin' the Lucky Stripes and the cigarettes.
The Blues Man comin' down the road,
And the Blues Man lookin' at me.
I am the Blues Man lookin' at me...

Head of Lettuce
adlibbed by Rusty Spell and Noby Nobriga

Head of lettuce all around.
Head of lettuce lookin' like a clown.
(Head of lettuce.)
Head of lettuce: Big and green.
(Head of lettuce. Head of lettuce. Head of lettuce.)
I'm a head of lettuce,
Not behind it.
Yeah!
(Head of lettuce. Head of lettuce.)
Let us have a head of lettuce.
Head of lettuce! (Head of lettuce.)
(Yeah! Hooey, hooey!)
Ho, ho, ha, ho, ho, ha, head of lettuce.

Harmonica Jam
adlibbed by Noby Nobriga, Rusty Spell, and Kevin Young

One, two, three, four!

Play it, boy! Oooh, boy! Cotton-Eyed Joe!
Get that pig! Yahoo!
Ain't nothin' better than cold grits up a hog's ass...

Let's do that one again!

Leah (The Parody)
adlibbed by Kevin Young

Leah! I stay up all night writin' tons of stuff about you.
I got the shoebox full of notes I wrote in sixth grade,
All about your nose, and your eyes, and your hair.
That's right, I don't date any other girl,
Because one day I hope you'll...
Come to me and say to me,
"Noby, I've been an idiot all this time.
Because, Noby, now I realize that your fine."
Leah... you're cute.
Leah, you've got hair of angels... and you're cute.
Leah, I need ya. I need ya bad! Because I'm sad
About Leah...

What kind of name is that anyway? Leah? That's not even a real name. But I digress.

Leah, I love ya.
You're not as hot as Lauren Leigh, but I don't think you like girls.

Shotgun!
adlibbed by Noby Nobriga

Boy, he got a shotgun and shot me in the what you say?!

He pulled out a shotgun, and turned my way.
I didn't know quite what to say.
He come chasin' after me down the road.
He said I done gotten his ho, wha?
He started chasin' me down the street.
Cornered me in a corner and that's where he beat me.
And then he found me; I had nowhere to run.
He pulled out his big ol' shotgun; he said,
"Little boy, I don't like you here.
I don't like you anywhere.
I'm the sheriff here of this town.
Better pray and get on down."
Then he pulled out his shotgun at me.
That's all I could see.
Then I gave a sneeze and what happened next?
Big ol' snotwad caught him in the neck.
It started chewin' through his throat.
I didn't know what to do
With this Groat.
I picked up his shotgun and then I went down,
Down the street and I started to run.
Then I found Suzie,
You know that little whore.
Ah, she really wasn't quite the bore.
Because she was free, free from her husband,
That big ol' fat, ugly sheriff.
You know the one.
So, she and I, we went back to her place.
And, well, screamed all over the place.
So, that's my little story about me and Sally.
Suzie rather. Ha ha.
They're all whores to me, man. Ha ha ha ha.
That's why they call me "Lucky Luke."
'Cause if you wanna get my whores you're gonna have to better put up your dukes,
Or I'll kick your what I say?! Ha ha ha ha.

A Night on the Town
adlibbed by Kevin Young

Baby, I saw you downtown
Lookin' all up and around.
Said to myself, "What you doin' alone?"
And I said, "S'cuse me while I go home."

Baby, I was down at your house
Lookin' around for something to grouse.
Said to myself when I saw you there,
I said, "Baby, come and get in my hair!"

Baby, I saw you on the street.
Said to myself, "Hey, you're lookin' kinda neat."
Didn't know what to do, so I saw you there,
And said, "Baby, I wanna go to... something."

Baby, I saw you in a car,
Said to myself, "Well, let's go far."
Took you home and took you to bed,
And you said, "Baby, let's cut up some lead!"

Baby, I saw you in town,
Lookin' around like you're lookin' around.
Said to myself, "What you doin' tonight?"
I said, "Baby, we're gonna do it right!"

Trance Groove '95
written by Rusty Spell

Baby, take me into your world.
Take me down to heaven.
I'll take you into mine.
Baby, when I feel you near me,
I wanna know you love me,
And love me all the time.

Cruisin' down on the melodic strip,
My home boy called and he gave me a tip
That you were outside, just a waitin' for me.
I had to know more of your history.
So, I asked your name, and you told me Suzanne.
I wanted you to be a real 'nikcuS fan.
My heart did a flip when you told me yes,
Straight to the knowledge of this strange duress.
Hand in hand, walkin' down my street,
I said to myself, "Hey, you lookin' kinda neat."
You winked your eye, a feelin' flew by.
You said to me that I'm your kind of guy.
I smiled, took a dip, did a double take.
I was hopin' to myself that I wouldn't mistake
Your eyes for forever, or your lips for a day.
But you were in my mind, and there you would stay.
So, let me hold you now. Think of me.
Make me the next chapter in your history
Book. Baby, baby, put your hand on my chest.
This heart that beats is love... I guess.

She Was Seventeen (She Was Older Than Me)
written by Noby Nobriga and adlibbed by Rusty Spell

She was older than me. She was seventeen,
But I loved her for who she was.
She was very nice to me. She said, "Tell no one."
I asked her why; she answered, "Just because."
She was beautiful as an angel.
She danced like a swan could swim.
She acted like she wanted to love me,
But the light between us grew very dim.
Now when I think about her today,
I can't help but fall and cry,
'Cause I loved her so very much.
I didn't think that love could die.

Well, she was older than me. She was seventeen,
And I should have known something was up.
When she first kissed me and I felt so great,
I just didn't look up.
The love she gave me was not very real;
I found out in a painful way.
She just wanted a quick one, and that's what she got,
But I still love her anyway.

Well, she was older than me. She was seventeen.
She only just didn't care.
If she ever gets married, all dressed in white,
I would like for me to be there.
She was seventeen. She was older than me.
She was seventeen. I want her lovin' me.

(Part Two.)
Well, she was seventeen. She was older than me,
But I still had time to go,
'Cause she weren't married yet, and that's what.
I decided to tell her so.
I went to her house and met her sister.
She said, "How you doin', Bill."
I said, "Don't you call me that,
'Cause my name is really Phil."
She was seventeen. She was older than me.
She looked like a pretty dove.
And I said to her, "Come on, baby,
We'll talk about love."

She was seventeen, and I loved her a whole lot.
She was seventeen. Baby, come and give me a big ol' plot.
And I loved her. And I loved her.
And she loved me.

She was seventeen. She was older than me,
And I said, "Come on, baby, now."
What I said to her: "We can go
And tip a lot of cows."
She was seventeen, and she's gonna be
In love with me.
I was only fifteen or fourteen or thirteen or
Something really young.

Well, something really screwed.
Something really screwed,
'Cause I met her at her wedding,
And she was marrying this freud, and...

She was seventeen. She was older than me,
But now she's gettin' married to Guy.
Told him afterward, "You are lucky,
'Cause she's a really nice slice of pie.
I got her before she got you,
And that's the way it's gonna be,
'Cause she was seventeen and she was older than me,
And so I had to let her free."

How Now Brown Cow
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Well, I'm travellin' down to Podunk.
And I said, "I'm gonna stay."
When I go down to Podunk, yay, I say, "What the hay?"
Well, I'm travellin' Box Car Willie.
Box Car Willie, yeah.
That's what they call me in these part of the hills.
Box Car Willy... Jilly Jill.
Box Car Willie.
I'm travellin' down to Podunk now.
I'm travellin' down to Podunk now.
I'm gonna see a cow, because it's all they got.
In the country it's all I ever see.
Podunk, Podunk, Podunk.
Cows with you and me.

How now brown cow
With a terrible spow.
Why do they stay?
Why don't they do something constructive with there lives?
Mooin' all day; mooin' all day in the hay.
Yeah, those cows. Those cows.
How now brown cow.
Oh, me, oh, mow. Why?
What's wrong with you cow?

Beastiality
adlibbed by Noby Nobriga, Jason Pollan, and Rusty Spell

Jason:
Former lovers, it's a shame to see that
Our founding fathers believed in bestiality.
Can you hear me? You're not singin'.
It's your turn, Rusty. Get to bringin'.

Rusty:
Well, I believe that if people like to have sex with animals
It's their own problem, but I'm not gonna do it.
So I think, Jason, that, uh, we should let Noby
Just have his views here on bestiality.

Noby:
I never had an animal for me,
But, of course, I can always see
Why I haven't had an animal,
Because I can't rhyme.
So now my part is gonna be done.
But, of course, I'm gonna run.

Jason:
My name is Jason and it's plain to see
I can't believe in bestiality.
I love chicken. I love roast beef.
Can't eat an animal to save my grief.
I love animals, it would be wrong.
I'd feel like a cannibal, can't you hear this song?
Oh, Rusty, Rusty, tell me, won't you see?
Do you believe in bestiality?

Rusty:
Bestiality: That's a good word to use.
Bestiality: I really like that word.

You know, you sound like Bob Dylan sometimes, Jason, but, of course, I use a different voice too, so I think I'll go on now and sing...

Sex with animals never really appealed to me.
If I saw a dog go walkin' down the road I'll say,
"Hey, come over here, dog. How 'bout doggie style?"
No, dog, I wouldn't say that.
What do you think, Noby?

Noby:
I like doggie style, it's kind of fun.
But, of course, I hate it when everything runs.
But, you know, it's all so fun.
I like it used with a burger and a bun.
Bestiality: I never had it, but I like it.
(Bestiality) It's not for me, but, hey, I can see...

Of course, it's also true
That there was once a big ol' dog
That lived next door to me.
And, of course, that big ol' dog,
He was into some bestiality.

Rusty:
And I remember a small, green frog
Who jumped up onto my neighbor's lawn.
Henrietta walked out, she said to him,
"Come inside my lily pad, we'll get it goin', Ben."
That was his name, the frog. The frog was named Ben.
But I don't think that frogs should be your kin, do you?
Do you? I don't. Do you?

Jason:
Hearin' Noby's story and Rusty's, too,
I got to say I've been thinkin'...
Livin' my life, lonely it seems.
It seems I feel like in need of big ol' woman, mean.

Noby:
Mean!

Rusty:
I know what you mean...

Noby:
Mean!

Manly and hairy...

Jason:
Lonely and scary...

Rusty:
Beastly and carey...

Jason:
Bet she'll share me...

Rusty:
Drink me some sherry...

Jason:
Lonely lady...

Noby:
And maybe marry...

Rusty:
...

Jason:
Bet she's hairy...

Rusty:
Hey, I'm weary...

Noby/Rusty:
This is scary...

Rusty:
Let's not tarry...

Noby:
Oh, bestiality.

Noby/Jason/Rusty:
B-b-bestiality...
Bestiality...

Rusty:
It begins with a B.

Noby:
Bestiality: B-E-A-S-T

Rusty:
Q... R...

Jason:
G-U-F-T!

Rusty:
Guft, guft, guft, guft, guft.

Noby:
Bestiality.

Jason:
Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff.

Noby/Rusty:
(A dog for my wife and me.)
(A dog for you and me.)

Jason:
Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink.

Rusty:
Snort, snort, snort, snort, snort.

Noby:
Moo, moo, moo, moo, moo.

Jason:
Don't tip that cow, it's mine.

Rusty:
Porkin', porkin', porkin', porkin', porkin'.

Jason:
Lovin', lovin', lovin', lovin', lovin'.

Noby:
Quackin', quackin', quackin', quackin', quackin'.

Rusty:
I love bestiality!

Jason:
Don't need a woman. No woman for me.
I got my faithful lover: bestiality.
Ask yourself, friends and neighbors,
Is there any way to go?
No way to go but bestiality.
Say, bestiality for me and you.
Bestiality...

Rusty:
Bob Dylan!

Jason:
Bestiality. Live your life long.
Bestiality. Man, that bull was strong!

Noby:
Bestiality.

Jason:
Love my life...

Noby/Rusty:
Bestiality...

Jason:
Got a pig for a wife!

Noby/Rusty:
Bestiality...

Jason:
Pigs are strong.

Noby/Rusty:
Bestiality.

Jason:
Not very long.

Rusty:
Bestiality, it's for you and me.
Oh, bestiality, can't you just see?

Noby/Jason/Rusty:
Oh, bestiality...

The Ballad of Swinigin
written by Noby Nobriga and adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Grab a mug of ale, and kick off your boots.
Sit and here the tales of Swinigin McGoots.
He lived long ago in the Land of Fine.
Now he's lyin' down in the rocks of lime.
Fightin' for his life in the fields of grass;
Fought with courage, and kicked some butt!
Makes no matter what those papers say,
He wouldn't live at home till his very last day.
They shot him with a shotgun. Now he's long dead...
And gone.

Oh, Swinigin McGoots.

Well, Swinny McGoots, Swinigin McGoots.
Swinigin, Swinigin, Swinigin McGoots.
Goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goots.
Swinny McGoots had stuff on his boots.
That don't matter, 'cause he's Swinigin McGoots.

McGoots... well, he walked down the road.
And he saw a big toad.
And he said, "You got a load.
I'll carry it on my back
Before you have a big ol' heart attack."
So the toad said, "Thank you very much, Mr. Goots.
I'll tell everyone about your boots,
And get you some new ones, shiny and pretty!"

Well, Mr. McGoots, Mr. McGoots.
Well, he got him a brand new set of boots.
Walked down to his land of Fine;
Found him some women: had a good ol' time.
They liked his boots.
They liked Swinigin McGoots.
McGoots, McGoots.
They liked Swinigin's goots.
And his boots.
And his boots and his goots.
And his boots.

Boo boo boo.
Swinigin, Swinny McGoots.

Now Swinigin, he walked into Newtown one day.
There was a man that came walking his way.
Swinigin walked up to him and said, "Hey, I like your hat."
He said, "Thanks."
And they fought. And they fought.
And they fought over the hat.
And they fought. And they fought.
Until... well, the man shot him in his knat.
Fell right over, dead.

Poor Swinigin, poor Swinny.
Poor Swinigin McGoots.
Poor Swinny, Swinny, Swinny, Swinny, Swinny, Swinny.
Swinigin McGoots.
McGoots.

The Harmonica Song
adlibbed by Rusty Spell and Noby Nobriga

Well, it's time. It's time for a, it's time fer a harmonica song.
Well, it's time. It's time fer a, it's time fer a harmonica song. Yee-ha!

I was possessed one day to buy me a Pocket Pal,
But I went to the harmonica shop,
And the guy behind the counter, he convinced me
To buy something for another pop.
I bought a M. Hohner Ol' Standby harmonica.
I bought a M. Hohner Ol' Standby harmonica.
He didn't even show me how to play the thing.
I just picked it up and gave it a ring,
And it sounded like...

When I played for my girl,
She gave me a big ol' whirl.
We got married when she heard my thing.
And the next thing I knew,
I played my harmonica at the wedding,
Before I gave her a diamond ring.

Well, my buddy got his hat turned up with his yellow hat,
And he's gonna sing a little verse while I play my harmonica.
How 'bout that?

(Come on, Buford.)
I sing the harmonica song.
I sing while my friend takes the harmonica on.
I ain't not much of a very good singer,
That's why I pick my boogers with my finger.

Well, I went and got married to my girl.
She was a good ol' wife.
Lemme tell you, she was good.
I played harmonica for her,
And she said to me, "Boy you made me a blur!"

She was good, 'cause I know
That she was a good girl to go.

My harmonica is my best friend.
No offense. Present company discluded, haw!
But my harmonica is my best friend,
And I like to go and drink me
Some gin out of the vodka tank.
It's a kind of a paradox, isn't it though,
That I get my gin out of vodka?
Doesn't bother me none. Harmonica time! Well...

Well my friend gots a good ol' wife.
She was good to go with all her might.
I got her out into the cornfield,
And then she said and she yelled and squealed.
Now she's married to my good ol' friend here,
But I'll always remember her blockin' my ear.
His wife used to be with me
When we would go into the cornfield.

My harmonica's gonna be with me till the day I die, I swear it.
I'm not gonna buy another one unless I can find a good deal on it.
Whoo-boy, my harmonica. Whoo-boy, my harmonica.

Five Hours Ahead
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Ol' Ned, he got him a new watch for Christmas.
He decided he was gonna set it five hours, hours ahead, yeah
So he could wake out of the bed five hours ahead.
And that's, that's what I read.

The wife done woke him up and said, "You're too early."
His wife put him back to bed.
His wife tucked him in, gave him a teddy bear,
And then he said, "Go back to bed. Go back to bed."

He woke up five hours too early in the morning,
Walked down the road and made him some coffee for the first time in his life.
And after that he looked at his watch--
It was a Moon-phase watch--
The Sun was on it now.
He said, "I'm gonna set it ten hours ahead,
So I don't have to wake up in this bed. Ten hours ahead.
I'm gonna set this watch."
Well, at least that's what I read.